my ife is a lovestory part 3

two months, on the day, after coming back to my hometown, i packed my bags and left again. this time for, what i said was, for good.
when i had been there for not even a week, i went in to a clothing store where i knew that someone with intense brown eyes had been working.
he was still working there and we spoke for the first time.
he took my number and sent me a text a couple of days later.
i fell for him, fast. he seemed to like me as well, but he liked his work more.
i bet i was too easy to get as well.
during six months, we spent about four nights togheter, always on his initiative. i would change my plans to be with him and he barely ever answered my calls.
the fact that he was so hard to get made me want him even more.
then, one day he told me that he had a son, and he continued by saying that he was not a good guy, no good boyfriend material.
so i decided to forget about him, cried my heart out for a couple of weeks.
the last time i kissed him, was the last time he left my apartment.

and now, two and a half years later, i have actually forgotten his phone number.

my life is a lovestory part 2

we went to the same school, i got to know him through friends. i was in my first year and he in his last.
he knew that i had a boyfriend by then, but he sent me text messages every now and then, and with the time, more frequently. my heart always pumped a little bit more intense when those texts reached me.
we spent some time together, and i ended up breaking up with my boyfriend. one night, i went to his place to just hang out and he got nervous when he had something to tell me. i was nervous as well and told him that he was the reason for why i had left the other boy. we kissed and started spending time as two.

it was, by then, the happiest time of my life and i was in love.

then, all of a sudden, one day, about five months after we started dating, the feeling in my stomach told me something was wrong.
the day after, he came to mine, looking sad and he only kissed me on my cheek. i did not manage to sleep that night and we barely spoke. the morning after, he told me that he was drifting out of love. i had never been that sad before. i cried for three months, non-stop.
the fall came and we became friends again, eventhough it was hard for me. and one september day, he kissed me, just like he had kissed me before, on the lips.

we were together for three and a half years in total, with some slight break-ups that i annonced because i was scared. we went travelling several times together and i went through depressions and forced him to spend a new years eve at home, comforting me when i was crying.
i got sick during our relationship, badly sick, and i ran away to another country. i was a bitch and for four months we only saw each other once. the day i moved back from the big city that had changed me completely, i was supposed to move in with him. instead i broke up with him, told him that i did not belong in that small town, that i missed the freshly baked bread, the cheap wine and everything else that paris is.

it took months before he spoke to me again, and now he is one of my best friends.

my life is a lovestory part 1

i met him through friends when i was 16. he lived in another city, 3 hours by train from me.
he was the first boy i ever kissed and shared a bed with.
it was the kind of teenage love that you read about in books.

we saw each other every other weekend, and for a while that felt okay.
i had no clue about what you are supposed to do when in a relationship so we mainly spent our time kissing in public and holding hands, to sort of make sure that everyone knew that we both had someone we belonged to.

i was a jealous girl by then, and when he started a new school and made lots of new friends, especially girls, i almost cried because i was sure that he would leave me to be with one of them.
i thought i knew what true love was and that him and i were going to stay us forever.
even i was suprised when, in the end, 6 months after we met, I broke up with HIM.

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will the day ever come, when i stop running into your friends everywhere i go?

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walking drunk on the street we used to share, feels even more painful than normal

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you told me you'd get everything i pointed at
and the moment i pointed at you, you were gone.

you were a problem, like all the other ones that i've ever involved in my life.
you were a problem to forget another problem, and now i have to forget you.

for two months and five days, i've been thinking of youyouyou and how to make you realise. you gave me the biggest bitchslap ever, and the time to recover from the burning feeling after, has brought me down.

for two months, i've spent every awake moment of my life waiting for the phone to annonce your name on the display.
for two months, i've tried to erase you from my life, without succeeding, because i can't erase my memories, nor your phone number.

but at the end of the day, i know that i don't want you, i want us.

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and now he's back.

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will i ever feel normal again?

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secret desires.
i'm built from them

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when i see a chinese family taking a holiday photo in front of cirque d'hiver, i don't know if i should laugh or cry